What a strange Valentines day it was. A move adapted from a book was released and girls went nuts about it. Those poor bastards who had to go and watch the movie, I pity and envy them at the same time.
The predictable thing has happened, the move was horrible and honestly I can’t say I am surprised. But let’s try to figure out why it failed so hard.
One step at a time. First of all the book was terrible, let’s be honest, it’s just not that good. I understand that many have this desire to explore their darkest desires and that’s fine, but there is a huge difference between a book and a movie. This is the fantastic thing about books that most of us enjoy, the part where we as the readers interact with the content of the book and recreate the world of the author in our mind. A process that is impossible for a movie to create. It can indeed come close to it, but it is really hard to make it since we are all different and have a different way of imagining things. This is the only reason why the book is better than the movie. You enter that world and you live it, while watching a movie you see how others live it and it just feels wrong. Two worlds created from one source.
Now when you think about it, it is indeed as those amazing girls say, “It’s just cliche male dominant, female submissive.” (watch the video here).
Really I have to agree that it is poorly written. Like some lines are just idiotic. The erotic factor might be high for some people while reading the book but are you seriously going to tell me that you paid 15$ to watch a porn movie erotic movie that is mostly about two people mixing business with sex. I don’t care what you are into but I am sure that you will agree with me that sex does not equal business (unless it’s illegal and such). Erotica is an art form for me. And frankly it’s an insult that this movie was so anticipated. What did you actually expect?
Let’s dig dig deeper and find out all those strange thoughts of Anna, the virgin who accepted to be a submissive sex slave because Christian Gray was rich and smelled good plus he was rich.. here goes nothing :
“His voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel… or something.”
“I feel the colour in my cheeks rising again. I must be the colour of The Communist Manifesto.”
“His lips part, like he’s taking a sharp intake of breath, and he blinks. For a fraction of a second, he looks lost somehow, and the Earth shifts slightly on its axis, the tectonic plates sliding into a new position.”
“He smiles, then strides with renewed purpose out of the store, slinging the plastic bag over his shoulder, leaving me a quivering mass of raging female hormones.”
Isn’t testosterone associated with this thing somehow. I might not be a doctor but I can sure google better than most of them.
“I can almost hear his sphinx-like smile through the phone.”
“His tone is so… so directorial, his usual control freak. I imagine him as an old-time movie director wearing jodhpurs, holding an old-fashioned megaphone and a riding crop. The image makes me laugh out loud.”
“Holy crap! He’s wearing a white shirt, open at the collar, and tray flannel pants that hang from his hips.”
“The orange juice tastes divine. It’s thirst-quenching and refreshing.”
“Oh my… sweat and body wash and Christian. It’s a heady cocktail – so much better than a margarita, and now I can speak from experience.”
“My very small inner goddess sways in a gentle victorious samba.”
“I had no idea giving pleasure could be such a turn-on, watching him writhe subtly with carnal longing. My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves.”
“I eye Christian’s toothbrush. It would be like having him in my mouth. Hmm…”
“What’s wrong? What did that creepy good-looking bastard do?”
“Now I know what all the fuss is about. Two orgasms… coming apart at the seams, like the spin cycle on a washing machine, wow.”
“Look at me,” he breathes, and I stare up into his smouldering grey gaze. It is his Dom gaze – cold, hard and sexy as hell, seven shades of sin in one enticing look.”
“Hmmm… he’s soft and hard at once, like steel encased in velvet, and surprisingly tasty.”
“Holy crap… just-f**ked pigtails do not suit me, either.”
“I’m all deer/headlights, moth/flame, bird/snake … and he knows exactly what he’s doing to me.”
