As the sun and the moon changed place day by day, I felt like my life is fading away. Memories of lost friends stung in my heart like a bee and the fact that the couldn’t be now with me to see the future we fought for, thats what got to me. I marked each day I was sad until I noticed that my calendar turned black from the pen I used. Circles and X’s all over it with something always written under it to keep me going. Go on live for them, under one of those X’s it said, smile you if you don’t cry , another said, but no matter which way I looked at it I didn’t know how to do those things I wrote down each day, each pain filled day. I had a good job, I had a small place surrounded by four walls and a roof that I could call my home, my brother was alive and well, living happily with my little nice only two hours away, yet here I was, standing on the edge of a tiny thread that I have been keeping my balance on my whole life.
I loved walks, after I’d finish my job I’d eat, shower and take a walk for a hour or even more through the darkest corners of the city.
What a pity , I was always thinking, they all live like nothing happened, like no one abandoned their future so that they would live in peace. This is the only thing that kept me from falling of that thread, the people who I cared the most, the people who are now dead. Thoughts went in and out of my head as I glanced up the stars not looking ahead. Without notice I found myself on the bridge out of town, and when I looked down I seen a girl balancing on her own thread. She seemed to be the same age as me, with long black hair and a slim figure, why would she stand there?
In a second it occurred to me that she wants to jump and lose the balance, but how could I stand there like I didn’t care. The lesson I learned from the many battles I had , the scars I have and the pain I have felt thought me that I should value life, but here she is throwing her life away instead of overcoming the pain and living day by day with that little chance that it will get better in the future. I didn’t say a word I just got behind her slowly so she couldn’t hear me, I was almost in arms length with her when she turned around.
“What are you doing?” she screamed at me
“Fixing a stupid girls mistake.” i said
“Its not a mistake and you wont be able to stop me.” she said leaning back and throwing herself into the cold river.
I took my chance, what the hell its not like I had to many reasons to live so I at least will save her life, thats what I thought that day and in a flash I thrown myself down the same way. I managed to grab her and turn around in such a way that she was in my arms and my back turned to the water that we crashed in after a few seconds. The pain was bad, I felt my bones break in my body, is like every bone was broken in two, and those two pieces were also broken in two. With all my might and through all the pain I dragged this stupid girl to the shore, where I just fainted , not a single word I could say not even a finger I could move after I helped her keep her balance, but did I go to far, did my balance fail me as I reached for her hand and saved her. I fainted it was all black and than a light , a really bright light, am I in heaven?
I started to hear a familiar laughter from far away, it was a laughter so familiar , so pure that I started to scream.
“Devan , Devan , Devan where are you!?!” but the laugh started to fade away
“Hey big brother what was the last thing you remember me say? Didn’t I tell you to live your life and see the future for all of us? I will send you on your way back now, don’t worry we’ll meet again, but not today because today you will do as I say.” his voice whispered in my ear and that whats the last thing I could hear . The light it faded away, the darkness took it away, the laughter was gone and I was sitting there in my own castle, on my own thrown, but there was nothing I could see except darkness surrounding me.
After a while I could hear, it was a silent cry that got to my ears, a sudden pain started to rush through my body and I couldn’t tell if I have reached heaven or hell. The cry wouldn’t stop and it only got lauder and lauder, the pain I felt was stronger and stronger and it shook me up. I am not in heaven nor I am in hell, I am still on earth and my soul is here as well. And than it happened, I felt a warm hand touching my , a warmth I haven’t felt for so long and my eyes , my eyes started to move on their own. I heard Devan’s voice again “Do you want to live?” he said. I want to , I want to live, I want to live, I started to respond to his questions.
“I WANT TO LIVE!” I woke up and got up so sudden screaming my answer in the hospital room I was moved in. The pain threw me back and I started to feel bad for what I just did, how stupid I am , didn’t I learn that after you are wounded you should move a bit slower.
“I-I am…so happy…sob.. that you are alive.” a female voice cried out. I turned around to my right and there she was, the black haired women that wanted to throw away her life.
“I don’t die that easy, I may not look like it but I am tougher than some mere water.” I said trying to smile, but the pain wouldn’t let me smile for long.
“Sorry..I didn’t mean to hurt anybody.” she sobbed like a little child that just did something wrong.
“But wouldn’t it hurt everyone around you if you were gone like that?” I said looking at her. She looked at me and had a sad but rather cute face, tears falling down her red cheeks and black eyes filled with tears.
“After all it would be such a waste if that cute face of yours disappears.” I said smiling gently and forcing my self to look like I wasn’t in great pain. She just looked at me with a confused look as on the outside it started to rain.
“Dont cry, smile because life is all about that , to find happiness that beats the sadness that we were born with. So instead of being like the rain, be like the moonlight, shine brighter than the darkness thats around you and guide everyone, take care of them in your light until its time for the sun to shine and make everything fine.” I said smiling at her.
Her tears are still flowing, like the rain that was pouring outside , but her lips , they were moving , and it was the most rewarding sight. The beautiful smile of her made me forget my pain , even it was for a brief moment I was taken away, I was struck. My pain , all of it gone with one simple move of a few muscles. It was that day that I decided to live on and make the best of my life, its the day I found out her name and the beauty of her smile, the smile of Emiko. She visited me everyday, for two months I was in her care. Now it ten years have passed and I still can’t get enough of her smile, but there is another little lady there that makes my heart smile, Miki our little angel, our child.
Written by Srdjan Solkotovic